Sleight of Finger?

If you're like me and enjoy professionals who use misdirection and banter to mislead an audience, you should have been at this afternoon's (July 1 2013) Sarasota City Commission meeting. 

Perhaps because I grew up in Jersey, I've always enjoyed the pitchmen at the State Fair and on the Boardwalks (think Ron Popeil) who could get you interested in buying something you really had no need for. Pitchmen like Popeil and Billy Mays relied almost solely on banter (and excited audiences that unknowingly functioned as shills). 

Then there are the magicians, mentalists, and pickpockets who escort your attention somewhere else while the real "magic" is happening precisely where you are not looking.

And then there is a certain class of attorneys who also can use both banter and misdirection to great effect.

Urbanist Andres Duany Returns to Sarasota

Well, Andres Duany has been in town the past few days, escorted around town through a variety of speaking events and site tours, shepherded by a variety of people hoping he won't say something diametrically opposed to their own views on urbanism and dreams for Sarasota.

Duany combines encyclopedic knowledge gleaned from careful observation of hundreds of cities with a provocative style that swings from acerbic quips to brilliant insights. And just when people are about to conclude he's just on a prolonged slashing riff, Andres drops a compliment on some aspect of Sarasota and the audience experiences a warm glow.

Andres Duany addresses a joint
Sarasota City and County Commission meeting

I didn't get to all his presentations, but I do have eight pages of notes -- so what follows are some things I think are worth repeating:

Promo Video Not as Transcendent as our County

Because I believe Sarasota County is a great county, deserving national recognition, I dutifully clicked in a manner that indicated I "liked" a YouTube video "Sarasota Transcends", which should translate into another vote in a campaign to have Sarasota County declared the 2013 All American City (I know - it's not a City) by the National Civic League.

But I did not click with enthusiasm. If you haven't seen the less-than-four-minute YouTube video you probably should (and "like" it if you feel compelled). 

Here's what I like about it: It contains some history, and gives a nod to community diversity by featuring the North Library and the Embracing Our Differences exhibit. 

That is not a very long list. 

Because it is, of necessity, a booster type of production, I concede that it would have been inappropriate to point out the Scots were victims of the first local land scam. I'm okay with that Pollyanna perspective as well as touching base with the Ringlings while skipping Mrs. Palmer. And featuring our arts scene is natural, even if claiming to be the "arts and cultural capital of the south" is a little ambitious. 

The video then proudly embraces (we do a lot of embracing around here) the fact that we are the "oldest large county in the nation" and gets a plug in for the Institute of the Ages. That's cool.

Unfortunately, virtually all the accompanying footage depicts seniors engaged in activities that could have been filmed anywhere in the US. That is a disappointment because our seniors are doing amazing things-- citizen science, serving on advisory boards, helping young entrepreneurs, working in the FABLAB, and volunteering like crazy. At least there were no bingo scenes.

While I hope to be dancing at their age, I'm not sure this image adequately conveys the vibrancy of our seniors.

We're now more than halfway through the video and so far there has been no mention of:

• our transcendent schools - PineView, New College, and Ringling College

• our transcendent 35 miles of Gulf shoreline (even if it is not all beach), Siesta Beach, and our bays

• our transcendent wildlife -- sea turtles, scrub jays, manatees, alligators, etc.

• our transcendent Legacy Trail, Water Atlas, or Florida Yards Program

• our transcendent Mote Marine Lab, Ringling Museum, and Selby Gardens

• our transcendent Myakka River and Oscar Scherer State Parks and the more than 30% of the County preserved

But instead of shoehorning fifteen seconds of each of these arguably essential features, the video cuts to the Unconditional Surrender statue (which I have mixed feelings about) on the way to a 51 second tribute to our National Cemetery, a segment which takes up one fifth of the entire video! 

My father, who served in Australia with MacArthur (and became a friend of his family,) would be turning over in his grave, if he hadn't been cremated. He believed veteran-related dollars should be spent on the living veterans. The cemetery segment includes testimony from one individual who states: "I don't know that there is a more special place in Sarasota than the Sarasota National Cemetery." 

Really? No place more special? There may be no more poignant place, or no more moving place, or even no more inspiring place, but I'm having trouble signing up for the proposition that the most special place in our county is a cemetery. 

No doubt the gentlemen shown in the video believes that and it entitled to his devotion and opinion --(It is always a mistake to try to contradict someone's feelings.) But due to the nature of the brief film, he has to be assumed to be speaking for multitudes. I confess it never occurred to me that there is some sort of unspoken general consensus that one fifth of what makes Sarasota County special might be a cemetery. 

Whether or not Sarasota County becomes this year's All American City, I hope the curiosity of those who view the video will be piqued, and they will be inspired to visit where they will find there is so much more than what was promised.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYNK5x_XXb0&noredirect=1

Sarasota City's Ego Trumps Its Eco in Seagrass Dredging Issue

I suppose something could happen and I may come to regret endorsing Susan Chapman, but the evening of Monday May 20th she was a voice of reason seated at the sunken dais with four City Commissioners more concerned with asserting their imperious sovereign dominion over a matter their staff conceded they were ill-prepared to administer. Thank you, Commissioner Chapman.

The matter at hand involves a waterfront property with a massive mansion in the IBSSA neighborhood. The home is separated from deep water by extensive shoals covered with healthy seagrass. Now, when I was in diapers back in 1951 there was dredged channel to this lot. But there hasn't been a channel there in decades and the bay has healed - a tribute to natural restorative powers that should be respected. 

This video depicts a walk across the ostensible "channel" the applicants want to re-dredge for the first time in many decades. The walk through shallow water is characterized by healthy seagrass. The City's efforts to assert dominance over the County on this matter appears to be endangering the bay, partly because the City lacks environmental staff that can interpret the nuances of such proposals.

Sarasota County denied a previous request to dredge through this seagrass 5-0, in part because the County requires that in order for a channel dredging project to be approved there has to be an existing functional channel in need of dredging - a criterion many of us consider common-sensical: If there is no channel, you can't claim to be maintaining a channel. The video above demonstrates there is no extant channel. But the City attorney favors a "simpler and more straightforward approach" -- dispensing with such details. 

According to his line of argument, if an archaeological consultant team can prove the Calusa once scooped out some bay bottom (or upland?) then it would appear a 2013 applicant has a fair shot of getting a permit to ream it out again- no matter what has transpired or whether the channel was ever maintained in the interim. Representatives for the applicant stated the channel had first been dredged in 1926 and felt no shame in arguing Great Gatsby approaches to the bay should prevail in the 21st century.

IBSSA resident and spokesperson Don Farr provided compelling testimony on behalf of IBSSA, arguing that the City was ill-equipped to evaluate such requests and that it made sense to utilize the expertise of the County. He was responding the the City attorney's argument that it was best to keep it simple because the City would have trouble dealing with the technical issues.

The County also prohibits dredging through seagrasses, a distinction the City apparently didn't feel needed to be included.

Hired advocate and former DEP Southwest District Chief Deborah Getzoff argued that the city should "allow existing features to be maintained" despite the fact that there are no existing features. Well, in truth, the existing feature is a naturally restored healthy seagrass meadow with six pilings.

Much was made of the fact that the State and Feds had already approved permits, but those far-off approvals reflected ignorance of what was being proposed. One example is that the seagrass planting mitigation that the applicants proposed (and which had been rubber-stamped) was located on sandy shoals too shallow to support seagrass.

But most of the commissioners were less interested in environmental impacts than asserting the City's exclusive jurisdiction over dredging. Actually, not jurisdiction over dredging so much as establishing that the City, and not the Count,y will make decisions regarding the City's portion of Sarasota Bay. They wondered why City staff had issued some permits but deferred to the County on the channel dredging.

Indeed, one of the stranger aspects of the proceedings was the fact that it took place without the relevant City staff being present. It is still not clear why the City attorney would launch into a pre-arranged presentation without making sure staff would be there to explain their understanding of the issue. In their absence, some Commissioners started engaged in some staff-bashing that probably would have been mitigated had the staff in question been there to explain their actions.

Commissioner Caragiulo sought to confirm that the City did have environmental expertise on staff, but was told they did not. He pursued the matter, asking if Alison Albee wasn't environmental staff, but was told Environmental Specialist was her job category (essentially her rank) and not her area of expertise, which is sustainability. 

Commissioner Shaw and Chapman were interested in getting to the bottom of some of the environmental issues, but once Commissioner's Chapman motion to let the County handle the matter died for lack of a second, Commissioner Caragiulo made a motion (seconded by Commissioner Atwell) that seemed to place upholding the City's jurisdiction above bay health, although it included some language (I'm not sure everyone knew exactly what the motion was) aimed at clarifying exactly what staff had done and possibly what a better policy might be. 

Stay tuned folks, this is going to get interesting.

The legal question apparently hinges on the question of whether the City and County approaches are in conflict. If they are, the City gets to apply its "simple" (but non-sensical) rule. Commissioner (and attorney) Chapman argued they need not be in conflict. These could, for instance, be nested compatible requirements -- the City requiring that maintenance dredging require a previous channel having been dredged and the County wording clarifying that, in addition to having been dredged, there needs to be an existing functional channel. An example of conflicting policies would be one that forbade maintenance dredging and one that allowed it, but both entities allow maintenance dredging.

Frankly it was embarrassing to hear City officials arguing for a path of deliberate ignorance when local expertise was available.

Having taken City-County turf wars underwater to luxuriant seagrasses, one can only hope cooler, common-sense heads prevail and we can avoid seeing the bay needlessly degraded because the City needs to be riding its high horse instead of collaborating with the County to protect Sarasota Bay.

Sarasota County Commission Aborts 2050 Scoping Process

Sarasota County apparently does not use the “ordinance bank” feature of Municode, so I don’t think I have easy access to Ord. No. 2011-070, § 2, 11-9-2011. That's the ordinance that adding a scoping requirement for County initiated Comprehensive Plan Amendments. 

As a result I can’t easily research the whereas or intent sections of that change in Section 94-85 County Initiation of Comprehensive Plan Amendments, but I suspect the County Commission added a scoping process via 2011-070  in order that “the proposed amendment will be clearly defined and all pertinent issues identified”.

Now according to section (a) the Board may waive the scoping requirement, and, as I argued yesterday, that would make sense in constrained, technical cases since the purpose of the scoping (having clear definition of what needed to be done) would be implicit in the proposed amendment.

But very little was clear yesterday. In its simplest terms, the County Commission was voting whether to re-open 2050. According to a much-maligned graphic* , when the county initiates a CPA  (Comprehensive Plan Amendment) there is to be a public workshop on scope (pursuant to 94-85(c))

And indeed, according to the County’s REVISITING 2050 webpage, “The commission subsequently directed that the public be engaged in discussions with the process of preparing a scoping document for appropriate implementation actions.” 

But then, according to the dreaded diagram, the matter is to go to the Planning Commission (pursuant to 94-85 (a) before coming back to the Board.

I don’t think that happened. At least, I don't see any reference to Planning Commission involvement. If I am right, the county entered into the scoping process. If they wanted to waive it,  that should have been done as the first step, but once they entered “the dashed box” in the Comprehensive Plan Amendment process, the next step was to be the Planning Commission. 

I am arguing that they could have skipped the whole scoping effort if they did that at the front end, but once they started the scoping process they initiated a process the public (and presumably the Planning Commission) was relying on.

Throughout all this Commissioner Barbetta stated at least twice (and maybe three times) words to the effect that “we’ve always done it without the scoping process”. I know that’s not true because the effort to amend the TDR ordinance went through the scoping process. I was at the public workshop, and received notices about when it was going to the Planning Commission.

What surprised me was that no one, not the County Administrator, nor representatives of the Office of the County Attorney, nor the several high-ranking members of the planning staff interceded and politely said something to the effect of:

“Commissioner Barbetta is right, we did always do it that way, and then in 2011, a previous Board passed an ordinance requiring a County Initiated Comprehensive Plan Amendment (CPA) to go through a scoping process. I believe the reason for that was to ensure both that what was being proposed was sufficiently narrowed or defined, and to make sure the Planning Commission is involved at a relatively early stage. As I recall, the Board has the power to waive the scoping process, but I would have to go back and look at the ordinance and board discussion to provide any guidance on when that waiving was to be invoked.”

The fact that no one said something similar suggests that either a) they didn't know that, b) they were afraid to even obliquely challenge a commissioner, or c) I have no idea what I am talking about (in which case I will admit my error, something I am about to encourage the Board of County Commissioners to do).  

So, If I have the facts straight, the Board initiated the scoping process (by using that preparing a scoping document language cited above from their 2050 website) and then in their meeting yesterday, aborted that process, taking the Planning Commission literally and figuratively out of the loop and proceeding with very little clarity on what staff is to be doing.

My understanding of Robert’s Rules of Order is that someone voting on the prevailing side can initiate a motion to reconsider at the next meeting. 

I think one of the four commissioners (Barbetta, Robinson, Mason, or Hines) who voted to abort the scoping process should make such a motion, if only to clarify what exactly took place and correct the lingering misunderstanding regarding the scoping process. Ideally, someone should make the motion to put this collection of major proposed 2050 changes back on course.

TO RECAP:

1) Since sometime in 2011 the Scoping Process has been the default setting for all Board-initiated Comprehensive Plan Amendments. (This is contrary to statements made by Commissioner Barbetta.)

2) The Board initiated the scoping process in this case when they directed staff to prepare a scoping document and posted that intent on the 2050 webpage. The staff initiated the scoping process as directed and held the required workshops.

3) The next step according to the law and their flow chart involves going to the Planning Commission and providing for public comment.

4) Then, once the Planning Commission weighs in, it goes back to the County Commission, which authorizes the scope and processing of the CPA (or not).

5) I don't think it went to the Planning Commission (seeking confirmation).

6) If they didn't want to go the scoping route, they should have made that decision at the front end, not by deviating in the middle of the process. Once they started on the scoping process the public and Planning Commission had cause to act in reliance of the process, since the Commission did not waive scoping at their initial decision point as shown in the flow chart.

7) Instead of following the procedure, on May 8th they took a short-cut, aborting the legally-reqired scoping route they started on, thus depriving the public and Planning Commission of the opportunity specifically laid out in and mandated by ordinance 2011-070.

8) The only remedy I am aware of is for a commissioner that voted on the prevailing side to make a motion to reconsider at their next meeting. Commissioner Patterson cannot make the motion, but she could second such a motion.

9)If you would like to encourage them to reconsider, you may email them at commissioners@scgov.net.

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NOTE: Commissioner Patterson should be recognized for her efforts to follow the Commission's own duly-adopted process to involve the public (and unstated) the Planning Commission in a MAJOR revisiting of 2050. Unfortunately, she is just one person, less than one hundredth of one percent of our county population, and so her voice was discounted. 

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*[ I don’t believe that graphic was available online as part of the Board Packet Supporting Materials, yet it became a key item in the discussion that followed and the public should have access to it.] A similar, but I don't believe identical, graphic may be seen here.

Finally, if there are any factual errors in what I have written, please use the comment section and I will make changes as appropriate.

ADDENDUM:

Here is most of the body of what I wrote to one commissioner (with some typos corrected):

I think for myself, don't swing at every pitch, and when I communicate with the board it is because I feel something important needs to be said. I'm neither emotional nor accusatory about this matter. It may all be one big, crucial misunderstanding.

But my understanding is that the Commission adopted a process (that was inaccurately portrayed by one commission member and which may have led others to misunderstand the process) that features, as the default setting, a clearly laid-out sequence involving public workshops and the Planning Commission. 

Months ago, the county commission had a choice to take that "scoping" route or not. At that time, the Commission could have argued this was too urgent, too important, or too whatever to wait, and go directly to the public workshop on the CPA (as shown in the orange hexagon on your flow chart).

But that's not what happened, instead, some months ago the board directed staff to initiate scoping -- at least that's what your 2050 webpage says (see attachment). Once y'all posted that on your website you clearly communicated to the public that you had embarked on a scoping process that involved public workshops and would subsequently have the matter brought before the Planning Commission before it came back to the board. 

Maybe your webpage was wrong, or vulnerable to misinterpretation. But I think a reasonable person would conclude from it that the county had embarked on "a process of preparing a scoping document" since that is what the website says. And that process goes from public meetings to the Planning Commission. 

Screenshot from the County's 2050 webpage.
This is why people like myself believe the Planning Commission should be the next step.

I know abort is a connotation-laden word. But let's not go to the most incendiary meaning. If NASA has to abort a mission to the moon, they would be well advised to do that before launch or immediately afterward while the vehicle is over the Atlantic and not when it is half-way to the moon. Your collective vote yesterday was halfway to the moon because Option 3 specifically tries to opt out of the scoping process you had already told the public you were engaged in.

I participated in the TDR scoping process and knew from that experience that the scoping process involved the Planning Commission. Your County Administrator, legal staff, or planning staff should have told you that before you voted. I tried to in Open to the Public after you voted. 

You're aware of my reputation in defense of our natural areas, but lately I've been more vocal defending the role of our advisory boards. The Planning Commission is the mother of all  local advisory entities and it has a special role in comprehensive planning. It should be involved early in this process, but it has not been.

The Commission has just made a decision about the most significant changes proposed in our comprehensive plan in more than a decade without 1) any public hearing, 2) any involvement of the Planning Commission, or 3) following the procedure you adopted in 2011 and chose to utilize in this matter by invoking the word  "scoping" in your direction to staff and on your webpage.  Even if every other contention of mine is fallacious, it seems nearly inconceivable that a county commission would make a decision to embark on major changes in a comprehensive plan without any hearings or Planning Commission involvement. In my opinion this is not good public policy.

This 2050 process has started out unduly polarized. I regret that, but short-circuiting your officially-adopted and communicated-to-the-public process is not a path towards less polarization.

No one likes being told they were misled. But I am contending that 1) the repeated inaccurate statements of one commissioner combined with 2) silence on the part of your staff regarding the scoping process, and 3) a webpage that told the public the county was preparing a scoping document presumably as part of the scoping process, which had not been waived as you were required to do; all combined to created conditions that enabled the majority of the board to make a decision based on misunderstanding of the law as well as what had been communicated to the public. 

There are some driveways in life where you turn off your headlights, make a u-turn, inwardly resolve to try to not do that again, and get back on the main road. There is nothing wrong with any commissioner admitting he or she was making a decision based on inaccurate information, without understanding that the public had been told via your website that the the county would be engaged in the process of preparing a scoping document, which directly implied Planning Commission involvement. Therefore, please give consideration to making or supporting a motion to reconsider. 

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Who do I least favor on May 14th? The answer may surprise you.

When I stepped off a National Airlines flight from Newark in 1970, I was a teenager who had never been to Sarasota before. And for roughly three decades afterward I had a fair chance of being the youngest person in the room at any number of local meetings.

Those days have passed. I find I’ve lived more than two-thirds of my life here and I’m trying to understand the tradeoffs involved in delaying collecting Social Security, hoping some upcoming issue of the AARP magazine will lay it all out for me.

Along the way I’ve learned a lot about myself -- that I am a paradoxical blend of New College visionary idealism and New Jersey pragmatic realism.  That confuses some people because they expect me to predictably be one or the other.

Back in January I posted a blog entry that over 250 people have read (or at least looked at.) Those aren’t big numbers compared to Jenna Marbles or even the Sarasota CLUCK blog postings (the annotated version of the City’s chicken ordinance has been viewed over 2,500 times).

The opening sentence of that entry was: Susan Chapman is talented, effective, and dedicated community leader. I then went on to explain why I wasn’t going to vote for her in the early City Commission contest that featured six contenders.  That was the idealist blogging. Now you’re going to hear from the pragmatist.

Susan Chapman was the top vote-getter in the primary and that may have led some to assume the race for the second available seat was between Suzanne Atwell and Richard Dorfman. But shortly after that first vote, two of the three candidates that didn’t make the cut (one Democrat and one Republican) recommended that people vote for Suzanne Atwell and Richard Dorfman and that unexpected, blended endorsement made headlines.

That surprising endorsement was followed recently by the announcement that a dozen former mayors are supporting Susan Chapman. This unprecedented affirmation has been dismissed by some,  (I believe Mr. Dorfman suggested the former Mayors were only interested in the status quo, which, when you consider who some of the former mayors are, is actually quite offensive) but this collective endorsement really is fairly remarkable, especially when you consider that the former mayors have almost nothing to gain by endorsing, except I suppose, better government.

Since then the twelve have been joined by a thirteenth and fourteenth: Rita Roehr and Fred Soto. Head down to City Hall and check out the glass wall case with the photographs of all the city’s mayors. You’ll see more than one quarter of all our City’s mayors THAT HAVE EVER LIVED are endorsing Chapman. [And I was surprised to learn that I am just one mayor short of having dealt with half of all Sarasota’s mayors.]

Why is this cornucopia of mayoral endorsements meaningful? Two reasons. First because these former mayors are some of the only people who completely comprehend what skills are needed to be a commissioner. They remember colleagues who got the votes but who couldn’t master the job.

Secondly, what these former mayors are bringing to the party is not just their reputations, but also their expertise. I know these people and they are not likely to endorse and forget. Their endorsement represents a commitment not simply to Susan Chapman’s campaign, but to her service as well. This is a big and balanced group: men and women, Republican and Democrat, black and white, working and retired. This is a significant brain trust and a great resource that represents the diversity of Sarasota.

Now in an election such as this, where only two out of three will prevail, it might be more straightforward, if not kinder, to simply ask people which of the three they least want serving.

And for me that turns out to be Richard Dorfman, who happens to be exactly one month younger than I am. I admire his chutzpah, cojones, or moxie to run for office after only having lived here for a few years. Mind you, I’m not one who believes you had to swim at Lido Casino or dine at the Smack to be a legitimate candidate, but you probably ought to know whom to believe when you are told grey sand pumped on Lido Beach will somehow turn white.

Bottom line: I don’t believe someone should be running for office if they have only lived here four years. Testify at hearings, serve on advisory boards, vote, and write letters to the Editor -- fine. But I believe our City leaders need a contextualized sense of place and I simply don’t believe that can’t develop in four years (or even “nearly eight” if you count a recent Dorfman mailing).  But either way, four or nearly eight “maintaining a home”, don’t send me a glossy campaign mailing telling me you are “a longtime resident” if you weren’t here for Hurricane Charley.

If I was simply doing what comes all too naturally for most of us (adopting a position first and then reverse-engineering a rationale) I could have clutched at the fact that he is a Republican, and supported by the big money in town, but those facts are not deal killers for me. And while I admit to having a visceral reaction upon seeing among Dorfman’s backers the names of those who conspired, out of view of the media, to fund a massive backdoor campaign to defeat my candidacy for the County Commission, I vote for people, not parties, and (as a Democrat in this burg) I’ve voted for plenty of Republicans.

Honestly, I’m not immune to the appeal of some of Richard Dorfman’s expressed goals – I agree that we need greater density and more year-round residents downtown, more support for young people, and a city where life without a car is made more feasible, but these are not patentable ideas. By that I mean they don’t have to travel with a specific individual.

So, just as I judged Susan Chapman not so much on positions as behavior, I’m looking at Richard Dorfman’s behavior.

Now all candidates make slips, some worse than others. But referring to a group of Sarasota citizens as “white-haired ladies” seems especially problematic for at least two reasons. First we need commissioners working both consciously and unconsciously to bring us together and vilifying engaged citizens is not a good way to accomplish that. Put another way, Susan Chapman may have stereotyped chickens, but I’ve never heard her stereotype groups of citizens.

Second, unless one is crassly or divisively playing for some youth vote by taking a cheap shot at the elderly, dissing “white-haired ladies” in Sarasota does not reflect a very sophisticated understanding of the electorate. It is the kind of mistake someone who doesn’t really understand or appreciate Sarasota could make. In addition to the inappropriate white-haired ladies crack, Dorfman failed to challenge a radio host who spoke in crude terms about the commissioners Mr. Dorfman hopes to join. Allowing others to trash-talk your future teammates does not bode well for commission collegiality.

In my previous posting regarding this election, I didn’t deign to tell others how to vote – I simply explained how I was approaching that first election.  So now, for what it is worth, I’m reporting that on May 14^th I will be voting for Susan Chapman, and if I vote for a second candidate, it will be Suzanne Atwell.

What Does It Mean to be a "Longtime Resident" in the City of Sarasota?

I'm neither a native, nor a an old-timer or a "Sarasota pioneer". I never ate at the Smack or swam at Lido Casino, and I don't remember before the Van Wezel was there or even when there was a Democrat serving on the County Commission.

But I do consider myself a longtime local resident. I've lived in both the County and the City (and have lived in five different locations in the City of Sarasota).

So when I get some slick* campaign mailer from a candidate who claims he is a "longtime resident" who "has called Sarasota home for nearly eight years", I have to ask myself: what exactly is a "longtime resident"?

To partially answer the question I created a quiz of sorts. It reflects my own cultural biases, but it may work for you.

You may be a longtime City of Sarasota resident if you:

1) Experience a moment of confusion when someone mentions Mayor Kirschner.

2) Tend to think of the Michael Saunders Real Estate office as the Saprito Brothers Fruit Stand.

3) Remember something you heard Ken Thompson say.

4) Drove on Main Street when it was one way.

5) Ate at the John Ringling Hotel, or Rauls, Tail ‘O the Pup, the Mel-O-Dee, or for that matter, even Dennys or Dairy Queen.

6) Wish we still had The Acacias.

7) Found it convenient that Cheap Clothes was across the street from the Granary.

8) Saw movies in what we now call the Opera House and then couldn’t find an indoor movie anywhere in the City.

9) Bought gas or hardware on St. Armands Circle.

10) Thought a night at the Normandy Motel might be interesting, but never got around to it.

11) Were offended that women were not allowed upstairs in that joint (Roz's?) on 1^st Street.

12) Still think of the west end of Fruitville Road as Third Street.

13) Took an elevator to get to a County Commission meeting.

14) Read books in the Chidsey Library and then got vertigo going upstairs when it moved.

15) Could order a camelade at the Main Bar and get one.

16) Were not surprised to see a shopping cart with a golden horse’s head at events.

17) Enjoyed how cool it was inside the arcade next to the Palmer Bank.

18) Relished the inconvenience of stopping either for the Circus Train to pass or the Ringling Bridge to open.

19) Saw snow or felt the earthquake.

20) Counted two Rosemary District oases besides the cemetary: Hibb's Farm and Garden and the Rosemary Community Garden.

21) Rented rollerblades to join those rollerblading on Main Street.

22) Marveled as a pinch of neighborhood became Martin Luther King Park.

23) Watched a King Neptune parade or went to the Medieval Fair when it was at Ringling.

24) Got ready for a camping trip by buying gear at Tuckers or topo maps at Ellie’s.

25) Wondered how the WWI veterans felt when the oaks planted to remember them were cut down.

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*Meaning both glossy paper stock and "superficially attractive or plausible but lacking depth or soundness".